Neat And Tidy: From pilot to trailer
The two short films below are interesting because they feature some of the same scenes; some from the initial no budget pilot for the film, and others featured in the fully financed 1987 US trailer to the completed syndicated film and TV episodes.
The ambition was to make a movie about an ordinary guy who one day just gets on a bike and heads South. It was an idea that Nick Chilvers and I had often talked about. I had just exhibited my first film, ‘Edward’, a cinema short about artist Edward Bell, at the Los Angeles film exposition, Filmex, and Chilvers had graduated from the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School and had just returned from the Edinburgh Festival, where his performance in a two-hander play had been well received. I was a busy freelance film editor and independent film maker, and knew that the best way to visualize the concept of this film would be to shoot a short pilot, or taster showing how I envisaged the style, look and quality of the production.
It was agreed that Chilvers would play Mr Neat and I would produce and direct. I placed an ad in ‘The Stage’ inviting actresses to audition for the role of Tena Tidy. The auditions drew a blank, the most notable character interviewed being a lovely girl who had been promised membership of the actors’ union Equity if she toured with a circus troupe as their human cannonball. She accepted, and the first time they shot her from the cannon, she broke several bones and landed in hospital for six months – the tour went ahead without her and she never got her union card. The search went on for Tena Tidy, until Roger Eaton introduced me to a young American fashion model, Stacy Wagner. Stacy was a flamboyant character – stunning to look at and dangerously free spirited. She was hungry for adventure and ready for anything the world could throw at her. She was a wonderful girl and perfect for the part. There was one more problem that had to be overcome – Nick had never ridden a motorbike in his life.
I purchased a 250cc Honda and Nick diligently learnt how to handle it and quickly passed his test, blissfully unaware of the size of the monster-bike he would eventually have to handle.
Financed by credit cards, my future wife, producer Judy Parkinson, and I flew to Rome with ‘Neat’ and ‘Tena’, Roger Eaton and assistant Robbie Rainer. In Rome, we teamed up with local filmmakers, Franco Amurri (who had Just met, and fallen in love with his future wife, Susan Sarandon) and cameraman Sebastiano Rendina. The day before shooting I spotted a large Harley parked up, and soon persuaded the American biker to join the team for kicks, so long as the bike came too. For five crazy days the team battled to get the ambitious 35mm pilot in the can – lack of money is every filmmaker’s nightmare, and this was to be no exception. I later flew back to Rome with cash to settle unpaid debts.
Back in London, I edited the film together and Chilvers wrote the narration. Elvis tracks had always been first choice for the music, due to ‘Night Rider’ being one of my favourite childhood records, and ‘Guitar Man’, ‘Rock-A-Hoola Baby’ and ‘Crying In The Chapel’ were selected for the pilot. Italian waiters were dragged into the dubbing theatre to voice the hoods, and the brilliant American voice-over artist Rill Jenson gave just the right tone to the narration. The pilot for the movie ‘Nick Neat Goes South’ was ready.
Within a couple of weeks I was signing an agreement with Nicki Davis of NBD Pictures, who had the rights to sell videos of Elvis concerts worldwide. This done, Davis picked up the phone to New York and a meeting was arranged.
The rest is history and is told in detail in the forthcoming book ‘The Neat & Tidy Bumper Annual’, which sets out just how the taster, shot in Rome on next to nothing, was botched into the subsequent US-backed TV series and film advertised in the US trailer above. It is an all too common story when artistic goals collide with the ambitions of big business. Funny old world.
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